Less Than Fully Authentic

It's time I come clean. Here's what I've been afraid to tell people when I meet them. (Some of my best friends don't know this stuff about me so here goes...)

I am a claircognizant intuitive, and as such, I'm highly sensitive to energies. I have spent a dozen years training in different energy modalities to understand why I'm so sensitive to my environment, the people I'm around, the sounds, the lights, the textures of fabrics, and other various inputs that are happening in my world.

I've had a fear of disappointing people and making them feel uncomfortable. Most of my life I have wanted other people to like me, and to avoid the discomfort of having someone not agree with me. Because of this fear of making other people uncomfortable, I oftentimes would not explain that I'm a healer or claircognizant or intuitive or anything describing my healing abilities.

It was a lot easier going through life just saying I'm a consultant or a coach or a marketing person or someone who consults for non-profits --that's all true, too. I have hidden behind my MBA in order to legitimize myself as someone who is grounded, logical, reasonable. Just last week I sat at a lunch with people I had just met and was explaining a little bit about myself. The guy next to me said something along the lines of "not to be disrespectful, but I don't really believe in alternative medicines." And at another networking event just last night, when the topic came up and I was explaining how I experience energy and what it means to me, I again had a woman say to me that she's very practical, logical, scientific, and she just couldn't understand what it was I was saying about everything being energy and how we are all connected. She didn't believe that my experience could be true.

At the same time last night, I met a gentleman who is in his late 20s and had a near-death experience. After the accident, he was awakened to the metaphysical world and his intuitive gifts came online. He is struggling with how to reconcile what to do with all of this new knowledge and input that his body is sensing and feeling through his heightened awareness that we are all connected in the world.

I explained to him, as it was explained to me by a dear friend and coach just a few years ago, that some of us are here with a planetary mission that is far bigger than our humans can contain in and of themselves. As such, we are destined to be the conduits for massive amounts of change or new developments here on Earth. We are the disruptors and the pioneers and the people that are here to initiate change and pioneer new ways of being and interacting with one another.

As humans, we have a physical body and we have an energetic aura around our body that acts as a container for our energetics and gives us the capacity to process energy through our systems. As we become more powerfully trained and aware of our abilities, connected to our ancestry and our culture, our capacity of our aura increases and we are able to hold space for and integrate even more energetic information.

I think of it as having a bicycle with a basket and being able to carry a basket's worth of stuff on your bicycle. When you upgrade to a car, you can fill the back seat and your trunk with whatever items you need to carry. When you upgrade to a truck, you have far more capacity for whatever it is that you need to store and move. Eventually you can become a series of trains or a logistical company that then has a multitude of vehicles. When you have boats and train, trucks and planes you can really move things across the globe intentionally because you have so much more capacity.

Most humans do just fine with the basket on the bicycle, because they have a human mission. They are here to do a small task on a smaller level, and by going through their day-to-day motions without having much, if any, metaphysical training or knowledge or access, they can live a perfectly fine and dandy, happy life.

For the highly sensitive people and neurodivergents that know they have a far bigger purpose and mission here on the planet, the bigger mission can feel very overwhelming and debilitating. The single human container of the meat suit of our body does not allow them the energetic capacity they need to perform the mission they've been given and the work that they're called here to do. It is my understanding that genius artists who end up going crazy during their career or die prematurely at a young age do so often because they don't know how to process the quantity of energies moving through their system. They don't have the support systems that they need in order to thrive under that much energetic input. Many of them succumb to addiction, drugs, alcohol, and die at a young age because they don't have the capacity or the support to manage the amount of energetic input being put on their system. It would be like putting a truckload of bananas in the basket of your bicycle and expecting you to actually be able to ride your bike across town. The bike and the rider break under the pressure of that many bananas.

Additionally, as it has been explained to me, when territories are colonized, the colonizers prioritize disconnecting the people from their:

-land

-culture

-ancestry

-heritage

-history

-stories

-traditions

-rituals

Doing so disconnects them from their power in a way that allows the colonizers to oppress them more easily. the people who are colonized have less access to their power and their traditions that have created the bond of community and the tribal connections that empower them to process the metaphysical energetics that help their people thrive.

As generations get more and more removed from their heritage and traditions and rituals of the family unit, the more power is lost to the new societal norms with which they are being oppressed.

When I go back and look at my family heritage and where I come from, I have Irish, Scottish, and German roots several generations removed. When my ancestors came here to the United States, most of that history and heritage was lost and not passed through the generations. I am disconnected from that ancestral grounding and power that should have been passed down through the generations as my birthright. And I'm not talking about land being possessed and passed down through the generations via the British system of land ownership. I'm talking about the energetic connection to the land and the trees and the mycelium network that is connected throughout the entire globe and through which we gain energetic prana and our healing powers and intuitive knowledge from Mother Earth.

It's taken me 12 years to get to a point where I now commune with the trees and the animals and I see signs and symbols on a daily basis, intuitively guiding me through my day and into the flow of the energetic forces on earth. I use various tools and techniques that I've learned throughout my metaphysical training to build my intuition, trust myself and understand, on a deeper level, who I am and what my role entails. Doing so allows me to stand in my power, speak my truth in ways that may offend others but needs to be spoken because they are an authentic expression of who I am as a human being and what my purpose is here on this planet in this lifetime.

I have friends that have known me for 40 years and still don't understand my gifts or how my intuition works or what I'm actually able to do for other people. A lot of that I have hidden from them because it has not felt safe for me to share that information and actually show up fully as who I am with my gifts without fear of being judged. I want something better for my children and my niece and nephew and future generations of my family.

I understand that I am here to reclaim that ancestral connection, the power that is my birthright, and the gifts that belong to my lineage. In order to allow space for future generations to not feel like they have to hide their true authentic selves to fit in and find safety with the herd.

What I know to be true about myself is that after a dozen years of studying metaphysical techniques and ancient technologies passed down through generations of metaphysical teachers and my own knowing and intuitive awareness, I have a plethora of energetic gifts.

I'll explain how that all started next...